Lonely vs Alone

Thomas Beatie - The Pregnant Man

There are those of us who love our own company to the extend that we could be classed as recluses. Some loners shrug the labels off by arguing that "you can never be alone as you are always with yourself ". When asked if it isn't a lonely existence, often the response is that loneliness and being alone are worlds apart. Many of us have felt deep loniness in a room full of people.

For those with children, ask yourselves if loneliness or fear of being alone were part of the reason(s) you chose to have a child. As more people outside of the convensional "family" template are able to choose the terms in which they become parents, society appears to be reeling at incredible stories emerging as fast as the technology allows.

Who can forget gay fathers Barrie and Tony Drewitt-Barlow or the pregnant man Thomas Beatie whom, it was announced late last year, was expecting his second child. Last month, Alfie Patten became a father at the age of 13. In the same breath, we let us revisit the tragic story of Baby P, and the almost unbelievable chain of events that followed his death. Finally, but far from being least, look at the case of Nadya Suleman who gave birth to 8 babies despite having 6 others at home.

Why do people have children?

Procreation? Loneliness? To leaving a legacy? Mistake? Fear of being alone? Love? Hate?

Who decides who can and cannot have children?

Nadia Suleman - Pregnant with Octoplets

Family Reality

It is often argued by those who grew up during the years following World War Two that life was so much better then. Everyone knew their neighbour by name, children were safe on the streets and front doors were never locked. During that golden age, the nuclear family ruled with fathers as the head and breadwinners whilst mothers stayed home and looked after the children. A job was for life and marriages lasted til death. Those were the good old days.

The 1960s arrived with its "make love not war" banner and women gained their sexual independence by way of the pill and feminism. Gone (for some) were the rules of old where a woman had no economic or domestic power. As the 70s approached, the realities of what constituted a family blurred and new choices of living emerged.

The patriarchal family now existed alongside single parent homes; same sex families; step; foster; adoptive; childless couples - to name a few. As people gravitated towards cities, they moved away from the extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings), gaining much but inevitably losing the vital connection(s).

A new way of parenting, of raising children in urban settings emerged. Many success stories exist and by sharing them, others will know how it can be done.